Thursday, 11 October 2012


We can’t be anywhere other than where we are
Often in our lives we reach a place where we aren’t happy with one thing or another or we wish we could change the whole thing in its entirety and we may question ‘How can I change my life?’  When a major event such as the loss of a loved one happens, then the desire to be able to go back in time and change the course of events is huge.  And at the same time we know that this isn’t possible.  Events have happened and there is only now – time cannot run backwards.  With the death of a loved one a whole range of emotions may be experienced including anger, frustration, sadness, loss, regret.  In order to move forward in our healing, we have to work through these emotions.  We have to give them the spaces that they need and we may well feel the need to be heard at this time of deep pain.
We can’t be anywhere other than where we are
The outside world will not understand the depth of our grief unless they have experienced it for themselves, and we may feel outside pressure or judgement to have ‘got over’ the loss of a loved one before we are truly ready.  We may feel judgement of ourselves that we should be feeling ‘normal’ by now.  Such judgements create negative thought patterns which hinder our healing process.  We can’t be anywhere other than where we are.  We can seek professional support and guidance that will help us process our feelings and we can actively work towards our healing, and at the end of the day we are where we are.
How can I change my life?  The gift of acceptance
My own experience has taught me that in any area of my personal development and growth, there is a process that needs to be followed.  There are 3 basic stages:
1.       Processing the deep, often reactionary, emotions around the pain or problem
2.       Coming to a place of acceptance
3.       Healing and growth
If you are asking ‘How can I change my life?’  then you need to work through these stages.  You need to come to a place of acceptance, a place of allowing, before you can move on to the place of healing, growth and change that you desire.  If you strive to move to step 3 without reaching step 2, then your journey will be longer and harder.
Acceptance is a quiet place.  It is a place of being.  It provides the opportunity to shift from a negative view of what we are working through to a clear understanding of how things are.  It is this point of clarity that brings with it the ability to stop looking backwards and to start moving forwards.
Coming to a place of acceptance takes its own time.  It cannot be rushed and we cannot pretend we are there.  Yet once we have arrived, we can breathe freely and with this breathing, we can begin letting go of what holds us back and move into healing, growth and forgiveness.  This is when we are ready to change our lives.
Let go, let live and let love

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